


past one hundred thousand miles (feeling very still)

by childishinquiry



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Astronauts, E-mail, Epistolary, M/M, Mars, Slow Burn, Space Flight, fake NASA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:41:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27217363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/childishinquiry/pseuds/childishinquiry
Summary: Commander Thorin Oakenshield is the leader of the first Mars mission, Project Golden Eagle, with twelve crewmen. Back on Earth, Specialist Bilbo Baggins is their communications specialist. Making history is easy; it's much harder to deal with falling in love with the person on the other end of the signal.
Relationships: Bilbo Baggins/Thorin Oakenshield
Comments: 9
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: Ansa.org is actually the website of the Annapolis Naval Sailing Association. Clicking the links in this fic will prompt your internet device to try to e-mail fictional e-mail addresses. I wouldn't do this, on the off chance that they end up in the inbox of some poor soul at the Annapolis Naval Sailing Association.
> 
> The title is inspired by Space Oddity by David Bowie. This fic is heavily inspired by Andy Weir's the Martian, but space fans should know I'm not planning to be particularly factually accurate--which is why the space agency in this is ANSA, rather than just being NASA. I will do exactly as much research as makes me happy.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Personal Mail Upload 3.9.2028

Commander Oakenshield,

Here is the upload file for personal mail dated 3.9.2028. None marked urgent.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**ATTACHED: OakenshieldPersonal392028.folder**

**From:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.9.2028

Upload received.

T.O.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Personal Mail Upload 3.16.2028

Commander Oakenshield,

Here is the upload file for personal mail dated 3.16.2028. None marked urgent.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**ATTACHED: OakenshieldPersonal3162028.folder**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.16.2028

Received. Any update on book upload requests from yesterday?

T.O.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.16.2028

Commander Oakenshield,

Sending that upload in a moment.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[AllCrew.GoldenEagle](mailto:allcrew.goldeneagle)**

**Subject:** Book Request List 3.16.2028–Exceptions

Golden Eagle,

Here are the requested books. Specialist Ori Risson, the book _There’s a Fuckton of Dragons_ by George R.R. Martin does not come out for two more weeks, but we have it flagged for upload at that time.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**ATTACHED: Jackson_The Haunting of Hill House.epub**

**Lewis_The Screwtape Letters.epub**

**PratchettGaiman_Good Omens.epub**

**Cummings_Assorted Poems.epub**

**Tingle_Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Living Golden Eagle** **Mars Lander.epub**

**From:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Book Request List 3.16.2028–Exceptions

Who requested the Tingle title?

T.O.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Re: Book Request List 3.16.2028--Exceptions

Commander Oakenshield,

Specialist Nori Risson requested that title.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[AllCrew.GoldenEagle](mailto:allcrew.goldeneagle)**

**Subject:** Book Reading

The event scheduled as “Mystery Book Reading” for tonight at 1800 hours is cancelled.

Nori, come see me during your next break between tasks.

T.O.

**From:[ORisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:ORisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[NRisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:NRisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Fwd: Book Reading

Told you he would notice.

Ori

**From:[NRisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:NRisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[ORisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:ORisson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Fwd: Book Reading

If he kills me, delete the file on my drive marked “Nothing Special.” D:

Nori

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Personal Mail Upload 3.24.2028

Commander Oakenshield,

Here is the upload file for personal mail dated 3.24.2028. None marked urgent.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**ATTACHED: OakenshieldPersonal3162028.folder**

**From:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.24.2028

Wrong file seems to be attached? This is last week’s personal mail.

T.O.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.24.2028

Commander Oakenshield,

Deepest apologies, COMM for ARTEMIS is out sick and we’re compiling their uploads this morning as well. Will re-check other uploads for accuracy, let me know if anyone else got incorrect files. Your personal mail is now attached.

As a reminder: We will be in position to send a higher-bit upload on April 3rd. Please remind Golden Eagle crew to send in their requests for movies/TV ASAP.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**ATTACHED: OakenshieldPersonal3242028.folder**

**From:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.24.2028

Received. Is there any chance I can ask you to not scan in all of the junk flyers I get to my home address? Really don’t think I’ll be able to use these Applebees coupons before they expire.

Tell Artemis project they can wait. They have internet access by now, don’t they?

T.O.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: Re: Personal Mail Upload 3.24.2028

Commander Oakenshield,

Policy is to scan all mail, sorry; believe there is something in Personnel Regs about it. Something to the effect of not denying all possible information and communication. Be grateful it’s not an election year.

Artemis’ high-speed connection was delayed due to launch scrub; currently due to implement next week.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:[COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org)**

**To:[CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM GOLDEN EAGLE SUBJECT: WiFi

 _This e-mail has been re-compiled and re-sent from PROJECT GOLDEN EAGLE and was originally received by PROJECT GOLDEN EAGLE Communications Upload Control,_ [ _COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org) _. Original sender was_ [ _Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org) _._

Dis,

Heard you don’t have internet yet due to launch snafu. Have you gotten soft? The Dis I remember would have had heads of Board of Directors for delay. Must be sign of early-onset moon madness.

Higher-bit window coming up for us on April 3rd; try to remember to get a video to COMMUC this time. Fili and Kili worry.

T.O.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM ARTEMIS BASE SUBJECT: Re: WiFi

 _This e-mail has been re-complled and re-sent from ARTEMIS BASE and was originally received by ARTEMIS BASE Communications Upload Control,_ [ _COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org) _. Original Sender_ [ _CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org) _._

Fathead,

Rich of my sons to worry when they decided to go to Mars instead of signing on to Artemis Base _as they promised their mother they would_. I have already sent a video down to COMMUC, though, don’t worry, I will shame them in highly-compressed 1080p myself.

Your COMMUC _volunteered_ to sub in, we hardly forced him. Did you ever meet your Specialist Baggins in person? He’s v. cute. Maybe when you reformat your antenna array you can ask him for a glossy JPEG.

Sincerely,

Dis Hypatia Durin

Commander, Artemis Mission Base

Just West of Mons Caeruleum

**From:[COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org)**

**To:[CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM GOLDEN EAGLE SUBJECT: Re: Re: Re: WiFi

 _This e-mail has been re-compiled and re-sent from PROJECT GOLDEN EAGLE and was originally received by PROJECT GOLDEN EAGLE Communications Upload Control,_ [ _COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org) _. Original sender was_ [ _Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org) _._

Dis,

COMMUC reads all re-compiled messages...

Thorin

P.S. Baggins, please, forgive her. She has the moon madness.

**From:[COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**To:[Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)**

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM ARTEMIS BASE SUBJECT: Re: WiFi

 _This e-mail has been re-compliled and re-sent from ARTEMIS BASE and was originally received by ARTEMIS BASE Communications Upload Control,_ [ _COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org) _. Original Sender_ [ _CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org) _._

Idiot Brother,

You’re an idiot. <3

Sincerely,

Dis Hypatia Durin

Commander, Artemis Mission Base

Just West of Mons Caeruleum

180 Days Since the Last Case of Moon Madness


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First impressions, cat sweaters, and crushing hard.

**From:** [ **BDurin.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:DDurin.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**CC:** [ **Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Media Request List, Final & Array Reformat Question

Specialist Baggins,

Here is the finalized media request list:

TV:

The Great British Bake-Off (“the most recent two seasons”)

MacGyver (original show)

Star Trek: Brave New Worlds (season seven)

LOST (all seasons)

Robocop tv show (all seasons)

I’m a TikTok Star, Get Me Out of Here (all seasons)

Entertainment Tonight (“at least like fifty or so recent ones so I can watch them to fall asleep at night” –Dori Risson)

American Horror Story: Mars

Eurovision Song Contest Semi-Finals & Finals, 2028

Rian Johnson’s DUNE: The Series

Movies:

Hard Target

Timecop

The Old Guard (all films in series)

The Fast and the Furious (all films in series)

Friday the 13th (all films in series)

Jumanji (all films in series)

The Right Stuff

Millionaire’s Express

Yes, Madam

Cannonball Run

Smokey and the Bandit

Death Proof

Other:

All videos from BadlandsChugs since Nov last year

All videos from CraftCornerSpecial since same

All videos from Bernadette Banner since same

All videos from SuperTastyAwesomeFresh since same

All videos from ThisWeekinNewsTonightFunny since same

All videos from Defunctland since same

….And obviously, all personal video sent from family/friends/dignitaries/ANSA/etc.

If you’ve got the time, would you mind throwing in a few extra movies? I think the crew underestimated how quickly they’ll burn through their requests.

Golden Eagle has prepped everything requested for array reformat, but we noticed the video upload was scheduled for post-reformat; wondering if we could get it uploaded earlier to avoid possibility that reformat runs long or causes some issue with ability to get higher-bit upload. Just in case, you know. Nobody wants to wait on all the messages from back home.

Thanks,

Balin Durin

Mission Specialist

Golden Eagle

**From:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **BDurin.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:DDurin.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org) **;** [ **Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Media Request List, Final & Array Reformat Question

Commander Oakenshield, Specialist Durin,

Noted on media list.

Talked to Mission Control scheduling and can’t re-arrange re-format time, due to timeliness of your other tasks on-board MYRTL craft. I can, however, re-arrange my own schedule; I’ll be coming in early to ensure media upload is packaged, sent, and completed prior to re-format. Look for it broken over several data bursts, starting roughly 0930 your time.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:** [ **Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org) **;** [ **BDurin.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:DDurin.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Re: Media Request List, Final & Array Reformat Question

Specialist Baggins,

Appreciate your willingness to reconfigure your schedule. We’ll look for the data bursts.

T.O.  
  


**From:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **AllCrew.GoldenEagle** ](mailto:allcrew.goldeneagle)

**Subject:** MEDIA UPLOAD 4.3.2028—ONE OF FIVE

Golden Eagle Crew,

This e-mail should accompany successful delivery of data packet 1 of 5 for requested media. As a reminder, this media upload works similar to software uploads to MYRTL craft. It is not attached to this e-mail. This e-mail is confirmation that part one of five was sent from Mission Control. Please reply if there are any issues with the upload. There will be four more e-mails about each part of the upload; please reply to the relevant e-mail with relevant issues.

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:** [ **Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: MEDIA UPLOAD 4.3.2028–ONE OF FIVE

Specialist Baggins,

Received. What is this video labeled “FOR GOLDEN EAGLE”?

T.O.

**From:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Re: MEDIA UPLOAD 4.3.2028–ONE OF FIVE

Commander Oakenshield,

It’s something Flight Director Greyhame cooked up—not quite sure of content but believe it’s a message from Mission Control for crew. Non-urgent. :)

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:** [ **BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Oakenshield.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Antenna Array—TEST IMAGE

Baggins,

As directed over radio, sending test image.

Balin Durin

Mission Specialist

Golden Eagle

**ATTACHED: IMG_1140632.PNG**

**From:** [ **BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Antenna Array—TEST IMAGE TAKE 2

Baggins,

As directed over radio, sending test image again. Tweaked settings as directed.

Balin Durin

Mission Specialist

Golden Eagle

**ATTACHED: IMG_1140632.PNG**

**From:** [ **BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Antenna Array—TEST VIDEO

Baggins,

As directed over radio, sending test video.

Balin Durin

Mission Specialist

Golden Eagle

**ATTACHED: ForGoldenEagle.MP4**

**From:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **BDurinson@GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:BDurinson@GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Antenna Array—TEST VIDEO

Specialist Durinson,

Thank you. This was my first time watching Flight Director Greyhame’s video, but it doesn’t look overly compromised. Not seeing a lot of progression or image loss except as expected due to radiation degradation of signal. Nothing to worry about at any rate. Should be fine for our purposes. Did Commander Oakenshield see this video?

Sincerely,

Bilbo Baggins

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:** [ **BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:BDurinson.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.GoldenEagle@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Re: Antenna Array—TEST VIDEO

Specialist Baggins,

The entire Golden Eagle crew watched the video together while the array was down for reset. We were quite happy to hear from Mission Control. Please send all of Mission Control our regards for their well-wishes and updates.

Balin Durin

Mission Specialist

Golden Eagle

**From:** [ **BBaggins@ANSA.org** ](mailto:BBaggins@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** You Rat Bastard.

You told me that you deleted that off your phone.

**From:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **BBaggins@ANSA.org** ](mailto:BBaggins@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: You Rat Bastard.

These e-mails are a matter of public record, my friend.

**Bagginsgardening:** I repeat: You rat bastard.

 **Astro_Gandalf:** Harsh.

 **Bagginsgardening:** I look like an idiot tween with a crush in that video and you know it.

 **Astro_Gandalf:** I knew you as a tween.

 **Bagginsgardening:** ….

 **Bagginsgardening:** You’re not denying it.

 **Bagginsgardening:** I fucking hate you.

 **Astro_Gandalf:** Is dinner off then?

 **Bagginsgardening:** No. But you’re paying.

 **Astro_Gandalf:** :-)

**From:** [ **COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org** ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM ARTEMIS BASE SUBJECT: Baggins

 _This e-mail has been re-compiled and re-sent from ARTEMIS BASE and was originally received by ARTEMIS BASE Communications Upload Control,_ [ _COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org) _. Original Sender_ [ _CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org) _._

Flight Director Greyhame,

What can you tell me about Bilbo Baggins?

Sincerely,

Dis Hypatia Durin

Commander, Artemis Mission Base

Just West of Mons Caeruleum

**From:** [ **COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org** ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM ARTEMIS BASE SUBJECT: Re: Baggins

 _This e-mail has been re-compiled and re-sent from MISSION CONTROL and was originally received by_ [ _COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org) _. Original Sender_ [ _Gandalf@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org) _._

Commander Durin,

Why do you ask?

Gandalf Greyhame

Flight Director Alpha

Golden Eagle Mission Control

_“Hope will never be silent.” ~Harvey Milk_

**From:** [ **COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org** ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** PERSONAL FROM ARTEMIS BASE SUBJECT: Re: Re: Baggins

 _This e-mail has been re-compiled and re-sent from ARTEMIS BASE and was originally received by ARTEMIS BASE Communications Upload Control,_ [ _COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:COMMUC.Artemis@ANSA.org) _. Original Sender_ [ _CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org_ ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org) _._

Gandalf,

I have seen the video.

Sincerely,

Dis Hypatia Durin

Commander, Artemis Mission Base

Just West of Mons Caeruleum

**From:** [ **COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org** ](mailto:COMMUC.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org** ](mailto:CommanderDurin.ArtemisBase@ANSA.org) **;** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Public Records, A Reminder

As a reminder,

All e-mails are a matter of public record, especially those requiring transmission via Communications Upload Control. Just a reminder.

Sincerely,

Primula Brandybuck

Specialist, Communications Upload Control

Mission Control Houston

**From:** [ **PBrandybuck@ANSA.org** ](mailto:PBrandybuck@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** >.>

Gandalf,

04683025789

Be careful with the teasing. He’s acting like it’s fine, but you went a bit too far for him on that video.

Primula

**From:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **PBrandybuck@ANSA.org** ](mailto:PBrandybuck@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: >.>

Primula,

With all due respect, there’s only so much mooning over official mission posters that I can take from any one of my staff. Especially when the Moon isn’t involved. If I meddle and tease, it’s only so he’ll actually do something.

But, point taken as intended.

What are the numbers for?

G

**From:** [ **PBrandybuck@ANSA.org** ](mailto:PBrandybuck@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Re: >.>

Gandalf,

04683025789

Amateur. Look up the e-mail regs.

Primula

> _….filters have been put in place to exempt e-mails with certain body text from automatic public records caching, as determined in consult with Legal. These filters seek to automatically remove from the public records cache any e-mail that is exempt from public records law, examples including but not limited to: official union discussion; discussion of workplace grievances; discussion of classified information as defined by federal or international law; and certain discussions of employees by management or HR representatives, as covered by law. These e- mails are still, technically, public records; but by separating them into a separate cache, it ensures that exempt and therefore private information is never automatically shared with the public as part of our public records process._
> 
> _Current items set to automatically filter include:_

  * > _All e-mails sent to and from official HR e-mail addresses_

  * > _All emails using the classified codec_

  * > _All employee ID numbers…_




**\--from "Regulations Regarding E-Mail, Public Records, and Records Exemptions: A Guide for ANSA Employees"**

**From:** [ **Gandalf@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Gandalf@ANSA.org)

**To:** [ **Pbrandybuck@ANSA.org** ](mailto:Pbrandybuck@ANSA.org)

**Subject:** Re: Re: Re: >.>

Primula,

48302948392

What a tidy solution. COMMUC is always full of surprises.

Ask B what happened at the GE launch party.

**Shebefierce:** BILBO

 **Bagginsgardening:** WHAT

 **Shebefierce:** BIIIIIILLLLBOOOOOOOO.

 **Bagginsgardening:** What? I’m trying to make dinner for Sméagol.

 **Shebefierce:** you spoil him

 **Bagginsgardening:** I spoil him by making him dinner?

 **Shebefierce:** you’re MAKING him dinner. On the stove. Which you’ll be serving to him in a people bowl, on the dining room table, while he wears that god-awful custom sweater you got off Etsy.

 **Bagginsgardening:** “people bowl”

 **Shebefierce:** they make cat bowls. just like they make cat food. you don’t have to grill him a little chicken dinner every night

 **Shebefierce:** what happened at the golden eagle party?

 **Bagginsgardening:** What? You were there. Nothing happened at the party.

 **Bagginsgardening:** Who told you something happened?

 **Shebefierce:** Gandalf of course

**Bagginsgardening:** I’ll kill you.

 **Astro_Gandalf:**???

 **Bagginsgardening:** What did you tell her?

 **Astro_Gandalf:**???

**Shebefierce:** And I already knew something had happened TBQH

 **Shebefierce:** i lost you at the party and then i found you and you left early like you always do

 **Shebefierce:** but you were…weird. you looked pissed

 **Bagginsgardening:** Aren’t you the one that always, and I quote, that I am “65% angry trash panda”?

 **Shebefierce:** you are. but it was weird

 **Shebefierce:** I figured you would tell me when you were ready

 **Bagginsgardening:** Then why are you bothering me?

 **Shebefierce:** bc i get the impression that you’re bottling something up

 **Shebefierce:** you know how i feel about you bottling up your feelings.

 **Bagginsgardening:** What’s wrong with a good bottle? Feelings are stupid and messy.

 **Bagginsgardening:** It’s not a big deal. Someone was a jackass to me, I guess Gandalf remembered.

 **Shebefierce:** was that someone commander oakenshield?

**Bagginsgardening:** Why are you doing this to me?

 **Astro_Gandalf:** ???

 **Bagginsgardening:** This is a low blow. Why do you always meddle?

 **Astro_Gandalf:**???

 **Bagginsgardening:** D:<

 **Astro_Gandalf:**???

**Bagginsgardening:** What makes you say that?

 **Shebefierce:** everyone knows oakenshield’s a dick

 **Shebefierce:** except you. or so I thought

 **Shebefierce:** did he think you were somebody’s kid??

 **Bagginsgardening:** No. Why does that always happen to me?

 **Shebefierce:** you’re short and you have baby face, it’s the family curse

 **Bagginsgardening:** Like hell I have baby face.

 **Shebefierce:** So what did oakenshield do

 **Shebefierce:** BB, as your favorite meddlesome relative, I am telling you: spill

 **Shebefierce:** stop being a feelings martyr and get whatever it is out

**Bagginsgardening:** On your own head be it.

 **Astro_Gandalf:** ???

 **Bagginsgardening:** Just saying. I’m not responsible for Prim’s actions.

 **Astro_Gandalf:** Understood.

 **Bagginsgardening:** D:< D:< D:<

**Shebefierce:** spill spill spill

 **Shebefierce:** ?

 **Shebefierce:** bilboooooo

 **Bagginsgardening:** Christ hold your horses I’m typing

 **Shebefierce:** *holds*

 **Bagginsgardening:** Gandalf wanted to introduce me to him. I told Gandalf it was a bad idea but you know he never listens. He was like, you’re coworkers, stop freaking out! And I was like, you know, we are. Maybe I can introduce myself, like a colleague, and be cool and professional, and it’ll be fine.

 **Shebefierce:** oh no i know where this is going

 **Bagginsgardening:** The sad part is you totally do.

 **Shebefierce:** did you vomit or did you just gibber like an idiot

 **Bagginsgardening:** I walked up to him and he turned around and he said something I don’t even remember and I swear I had a fucking heart attack. He’s way more attractive in person.

 **Shebefierce:** OMG

 **Shebefierce:** ur such an idiot

 **Bagginsgardening:** It was like: no thoughts, head empty

 **Bagginsgardening:** I think I ended up saying I was a big fan or something. I wasn’t even listening to what was coming out of my mouth. In retrospect I don’t blame him for his reaction.

 **Shebefierce:** I do but go on

 **Bagginsgardening:** I don’t really remember what he said but I think he asked if I was a blogger. And then he made a, like a joke? Like he asked Gandalf why he was letting in party crashers. It was like he thought it was a joke, but he did actually think i was a party crashed. that kinda vibe

 **Shebefierce:** WOW

 **Shebefierce:** wait weren’t you wearing your work lanyard??? Is he fucking blind

 **Bagginsgardening:** I don't remember? I’m sure I just came off as this sweaty short person who was breathing heavily

 **Bagginsgardening:** This is why I didn’t want to talk to you about it. Like the moment I got home I realized how it must have seemed from his side.

 **Bagginsgardening:** I’m so mad Gandalf sent them that stupid video.

 **Shebefierce:**?

 **Shebefierce:** the lil update video we all contributed to for GE?

 **Shebefierce:** OH. is that what they were talking about?

 **Bagginsgardening:** Who was talking about it???

 **Shebefierce:** nvm. the video wasn’t that bad. you’re not even really in it. you’re just in the part where people waved hey in front of their lockers

 **Bagginsgardening:** No, it was. It was really that bad. And I’ll tell you why.

 **Bagginsgardening:** Imagine you meet a sweaty, short, baby-faced fanboy in a totally awkward encounter…..

 **Bagginsgardening:** And not only do you find out later, that the sweaty fanboy is, like, your primary point of contact back on Earth…

 **Bagginsgardening:** But he has your picture in his locker like a fucking tweenager.

 **Shebefierce:** you’re overthinking this

 **Bagginsgardening:** I really don’t think I am!!!! Gandalf snuck up on me and caught me at a weird angle, it looks like I spend my days staring at his picture

 **Shebefierce:** you do spend your days staring at his picture

 **Bagginsgardening:** leave me alone to die

 **Shebefierce:** ok, so, three things:

 **Shebefierce:** a) thorin oakenshield is a fucking dickweed, and so is gandalf

 **Shebefierce:** 2) you are in fact overthinking this

 **Shebefierce:** c) did you finish feeding your demon?

 **Bagginsgardening:** ?

 **Shebefierce:** I have wine, you clearly need to bitch about this more, and Drogo just stepped out to pick up Chinese. come by my place and let’s scream about men

 **Bagginsgardening:** I don’t have anything to bitch about, I’m fine.

 **Shebefierce:** the day you don’t have anything to bitch about is the day u die

 **Bagginsgardening:**...

 **Bagginsgardening:** be there in five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You should never, ever get used to me updating this fast, but stars aligned and this chapter came together over the course of about six hours. That never happens for me, so you know, I figured I'd post it.
> 
> Primula's chat username is a Shakespeare reference ("though she be but little, she is fierce"). The list of media is pretty much me making jokes for myself and referencing movies I've watched lately. I don't necessarily recommend watching BadlandsChugs, but that is in fact a real YouTube channel. I tried, other than the TikTok joke, to avoid making references to any particular social media vague because, you know, maybe all the Youtubers migrate to Quibi 2.0 by 2028, who knows. I enjoyed expanding the epistolary formats a little bit with this chapter, hope it works for everyone.
> 
> I'm sure Bilbo is the best of all possible cat owners, but I've got a dim view on giving pets people food. (Or at least, food they know is people food.) I like the AU "Gollum is Bilbo's cat" trend I see all over AO3, so I did my own spin.


End file.
